A Dark Place In My Life

So, this is basically just a follow up on my previous post and something I really just need to get off my chest. I'm not trying to sell anyone a sob-story or get people to feel sorry for me, I am just freely venting. What happened today brought up some bad memories from my past, and they are things I haven't told a single person about, including my parents. From about the 6th grade until somewhere toward the beginning/middle of my 8th grade year, I had suicidal thoughts. Being called names, including what I was called today, made me feel like I had no worth. I thought that everyone hated me and that the world would be better off if I was gone. I mean, I had already driven my dad off when I was 8 or 9, so I just assumed I was unable to be loved. I used to write suicide/run-away letters that I kept in an envelope and hid in my sock drawer, and then in my closet. I imagined killing myself and Googled the least painful ways to do it. I once even tried to suffocate myself with a pillow which, looking back, seemed like a really dumb way to try. I seriously hated myself so much.
Switching to a Christian school in 8th grade definitely helped with that and caused me to discover that I actually had self-worth. I slowly eased away from having suicidal thoughts and stopped writing the letters. When I was packing to leave for college, I found the letters and read through some of them. I started crying too hard to get through them all, but then I realized that everything in those letters was a thing of the past that I didn't need to worry about anymore. But then today happened. I didn't know that signing up to run for a class office would result in one of my campaign posters being ripped down and me being called a lesbian. I don't think people expected it to hurt me as much as it did, but it really made me travel back to a dark place in my life. I put on a smile and made jokes about it all day after I was told about it, until about 45 minutes ago. I spent about 30 minutes bawling my eyes out in the shower, wondering what I did to make people not like me or to think those things about me. I'm crying and shaking as I write this post, but I just felt like I needed to vent or things would just get worse. Again, this isn't me trying to get people to feel sorry for me, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Judgmental Bullies- Present Throughout Life

With the preliminary election tomorrow, campaigning is in full swing. Events director isn't exactly the most important position, but I've been trying really hard to get the word out on why I think I'm the best candidate for the job. I'm running against three other girls for that particular office, all of whom have done little to no campaigning. But today, two of my friends overheard two of the girls I'm running against talking in their math class, loud enough for the entire class to hear. First, they were just talking about how they are both running for the same position, but then my name was brought into the conversation. They were talking about how I really like Ellen DeGeneres (which is a true statement), and they proceeded to turn around and confront my friends. Giggling, they asked my friends if I was a lesbian because of how much I like Ellen.
First of all, if I was a lesbian (which I'm not), who are they to judge. We are called by God to love everyone. I love Ellen because aside from being absolutely hilarious, she supports multiple charities and causes, she always has a positive attitude, and at the end of every episode of her talk show, she says "be kind to one another". So, if someone is going to think that another person is automatically gay just because they support Ellen, then I feel sorry for them and for what they are missing by not loving Ellen.
Second, who asks someone's friend a question like that?! It's already an extremely judgmental assumption, but why would you ask someone, who you know cares about the person in question, something of that nature? Did they think that if my friends said yes, they could get my name removed from the ballot or something? I just found the whole ordeal to be rude. I don't have anything against people who are gay, but I just think that's an extremely offensive question to ask, even if the answer was yes.
Third, since they were talking so loudly, it's obvious other people heard them. With not even being two months into my college career, I really don't want any rumors like this to get started about me. While I am definitely not gay, people talk and something like this could spread very easily, especially with being on such a small campus. I've been made fun of for other stuff before in my life, and I really don't want to go back to receiving judgmental looks and rude comments, especially based on false accusations.Thankfully, my friends stood up for me and shot down the comments, but who knows what people will believe. It's just sad that we are in college and people still try and start stuff like this, but I guess you'll experience bullies and judgmental people all throughout life.

Halloween Costume DIY- Tutu

Since Halloween is only a few days away, you may be scrambling for a last minute costume idea. One thing you can make that has multiple costume options is a tutu. A tutu gives you so many options, so get creative. I'm going as a "Toddlers & Tiaras" character with mine. To make one, all you need is an elastic band (or a long strip of elastic, a needle, and thread), tulle, and scissors. I made mine a little while back, but if I remember correctly, I got a yard and a half of yellow tulle and then 1 yard each of 2 different shades of purple tulle. You can get as much or as little tulle as you want, just remember the more tulle, the fluffier the tutu. Making a tutu is super simple, but a little time consuming.
First, just measure the elastic around your waist and then sew it so that it fits. Unless you already have an elastic band that fits, in which case skip this step.
Next, Cut the tulle into 1 inch thick strips. This is the most time consuming part, just because you have to make sure you keep the tulle straight while cutting.
Then, just take the strips of tulle and tie them at the halfway point around the elastic band. Remember to alternate colors if you used more than one color of tulle.
Finally, fluff out the tulle and you've got yourself a tutu. Again, a tutu provides endless possibilities for costume ideas, so make one and get creative.

Campaigning

This has been a busy week/weekend, and a lot of that is attributed to the fact that I've been campaigning. I'm running for my freshman class events director and I've really been trying to get the word out. Thursday, I hung up posters in all 3 buildings that freshman live in. Friday evening, I discovered someone had maliciously ripped down one of my extremely well-placed posters. It's obvious it was ripped down because the tape and the corner of the poster were left there, which made me very sad.
I made a campaign video and put it on our class Facebook page so I could tell people my qualifications. I made sure to make the end of the video funny so that people didn't think I was boring. I also printed of little slips of paper that said "Make the Smart Choice- Vote Jessica Wells for Freshman Events Director" and taped them to packs of Smarties. I then traveled to the dark place yesterday- Oakwood (boys dorm) during open dorms- and passed them out while introducing myself to people and informing people of my campaign video. I also went to the other girls dorm and did the same thing. A lot of people seemed really supportive, and that made me feel so happy. Especially when some people had told me they already saw my video and that they enjoyed it. I'm finishing my Smarties campaigning tonight in my dorm building. The preliminary voting is on Tuesday and I'm really nervous, but I'll be sure to keep everyone updated.

Fall Break

So, fall break ended last night and today was our first day back to classes (gross). Fall break wasn't exactly how I had planned it to be, but it was still fun. Friday, I didn't end up going to the Pumpkin Show like I wanted because of how busy we heard it was. Instead, we got Chinese food (one of my favorites!) and my sisters and I watched old episodes Mary-Kate & Ashley on VHS. Yeah, we're just that cool. Saturday, I slept in until around 11, which was a really nice change. Then, I pretty much sat around the house all afternoon while my mom baked homemade peanut butter cookies and buckeyes. Saturday night I got to hang out with some of my friends from high school who I haven't seen since the beginning of July. I had fun catching up with them, especially since I originally hadn't planned on seeing them over break.
Sunday was probably my favorite day of break. I went to Kings Island with my mom, brother, both my sisters, and 4 of my really good friends, one of which I hadn't seen since I moved in to college. And I got my blue ice cream! I could seriously live at Kings Island. Monday, I didn't end up going to wait for Raising Cane's to open because the line was already wrapped around the side of the building 12 hours before they even opened. I didn't really do anything that day or Tuesday except hang out with my family, which was still nice. Overall, break was fun and relaxing. Plus, I keep thinking today is Monday and then I remind myself it's really Wednesday and that I only have 2 more days of classes this week! 

Midterms :(

So, it's 2 am and I'm up because of a crazy, college party. Just kidding, I'm studying for a midterm. Our fall break starts tomorrow after classes, but that means we have to get through midterms first. Thankfully, I only had two midterms this week and one of them was for radio, which means it was super easy and took less than 5 minutes. Unfortunately, my other midterm is in psychology. I'm nervous because it's only our second test in that class, but I'll be so relieved when it's over. So I only have to get through one class (film - yay!), chapel (which I might skip to study...), and the psychology midterm and then I get to go home until Tuesday night! I'm so excited for break, especially because I have a lot of fun stuff planned and will get to see some of my friends. I'm mainly excited for all the food I get to have during break though... Tomorrow, I get to go to the Circleville Pumpkin Show and eat like 10000 pounds of fair food. Okay that's an exaggeration, more like 100 pounds. And then I am going to Kings Island over the weekend, which means I get to have the blue ice cream they have there, which is seriously my favorite ice cream ever. And at some point over break, I get to go to Raising Cane's, my favorite fast food place ever! I've been experiencing Cane's withdraw, and there is a new one opening Monday that's literally 2 minutes from my house and the first 100 people to get there before 7pm get a $100 gift card. So, needless to say, I'm going to get there super early. Anyway, I need to finish studying and I still have to pack because I'm leaving as soon as my exam is over. And I have to get up for class in 5 hours. I'll make sure to post about everything I do on break!

Bucket List :)

So, I've made a few different bucket lists before, but I finally made one that's really long (75 items) and I plan on adding to it. I want to try and do some of the things on the list as soon as possible, so I'll be sure to share when I cross something off of it. Here's my list:

1.      Be on Ellen

2.      Meet One Direction

3.      Go on a hot air balloon ride

4.      Ride in a helicopter

5.      Walk through Central Park in the snow

6.      See the Northern Lights

7.      Write a book

8.      Human bowling

9.      Throw a dart at a map and travel to wherever it lands

10.   Play messy Twister

11.   Visit the Eiffel Tower

12.   Go into an airport and buy tickets for a random flight

13.   See a Broadway play

14.   Let go of 100 balloons at one time

15.   Put a piece of gum on the gum wall in Seattle

16.   Leave a note in a library book

17.   Pay a stranger’s tab at a restaurant

18.   Save someone’s life

19.   Watch the ball drop in Times Square

20.   See how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop

21.   Put a secret in a balloon

22.   Visit the Roman Colosseum

23.   Ride a Segway

24.   Give Christmas to a family who can’t afford it

25.   Visit Disneyland

26.   Send a message in a bottle

27.   Visit Pixar Studios

28.   Go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

29.   Visit a walk-through aquarium

30.   Take a photo every day for a year

31.   Watch the sunrise from the beach

32.   Ride the London Eye

33.   Visit Canada

34.   Go a whole year without buying any new clothes

35.   Take the midnight train going anywhere 

36.   Visit the Space Needle

37.   Play in the rain

38.   Make a 1000-square hopscotch

39.   Grow my hair to my waist

40.   Go a whole day without talking

41.   Go to a taping of Saturday Night Live

42.   Make a wish at the Trevi Fountain

43.   Finish a “Wreck This Journal”

44.   Learn to ride a unicycle

45.   Go to a big awards show

46.   Swim in an infinity pool

47.   Let go of a floating lantern

48.   Spontaneous road trip

49.   Go on a missions trip

50.   Scavenger hunt

51.   Make a time capsule

52.   Sing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song in West Philadelphia

53.   Visit Edgar Allen Poe’s grave

54.   Leave a $100 tip at a restaurant

55.   Write a letter to a different person every day for a year

56.   Make a paint slip n’ slide

57.   Go zorbing

58.   Have a massive Nerf war

59.   Visit all 50 states

60.   Have a 24-hour movie marathon

61.   Visit the “Up” house

62.   Write something in wet cement

63.   Go to Carlo’s Bake Shop

64.   Document my life every day for a year (video)

65.   Go to Coachella

66.   See a Cirque de Soleil show

67.   Find P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

68.   Ride a subway in New York

69.   Visit the Sky Deck in Chicago

70.   Build an igloo

71.   Go to the Olympics

72.   Play extreme hide and seek

73.   Sleep on a trampoline

74.   Finish an entire coloring book

75.   Find the end of a rainbow